you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
