i jhust puked up my retainher.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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