If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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