she woke up with a sticky ear
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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