Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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