She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
