i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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