if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
