dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Randomize
