I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
