i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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