I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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