Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
my mouth tastes like poor choices
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize