he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
