I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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