ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
