My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
