That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
