Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
