your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Randomize
