Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
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