I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I love how my cats smell like pot.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
