i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
