did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize