There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
