That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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