He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Randomize
