My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Randomize
