You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
