U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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