my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
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