I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
