I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I wannas sexs uuuuu
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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