one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I have fence marks all over my body
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
