batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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