Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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