God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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