im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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