you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
