We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
