apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I just want nice things and good sex
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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