tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
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