Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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