id be glad to
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
