you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
well most of my day revolves around power hour
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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