She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Randomize