My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
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