Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
