He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
so much tequila, so little girl.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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