I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
