Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
