I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
