I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize