you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
