Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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