I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
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