my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
