Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
