You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Randomize
