Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize