i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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