I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
