I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
wow bdsm is so cute
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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