We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
