I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
