My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
