Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
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