Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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