I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
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