White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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