Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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