I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
