Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize