i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
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