I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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